Heaven can wait

“When I get bigger, I want to live with you and Daddy.”

“We would love that, K.”

“I might not have time for myself, but I want to take care of you and Daddy so you won’t go to heaven so quick,” she explained. “I can help you take your medicine and take you places when you have to go out.”

At this point, I started tearing up. I made a similar promise to my mother when I was a child and I kept it. She spent her last years with us and I took care of her during her times of ailing health. It wasn’t always easy, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was my honor to be her caregiver and it was my way of thanking her for everything she did for me: the sacrifices she made, the love she gave, and her indelible influence on my life.

However, to be honest, being an only child and primary caregiver for an aging parent is a heavy burden to bear alone. Lil’ K is an only child and may find herself in a similar situation. I can only hope that she finds an understanding and supportive husband like I have. It is one of the factors that kept me sane during the toughest moments we faced.

Perhaps Hubby and I will move into an assisted living facility when it’s time. Maybe we’ll be healthy enough to not require much assistance, even if K does decide to move her family in with her elderly parents. Whatever the case, aging is not something I like to ponder — for anyone, but especially not for myself and Hubby.

I will just take the advice from the Bible on this:

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” ~ Matthew 6:34

Posted in 3 years old, baby champuru, life, mom blog, QoTD | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Nightmares of a Sandwich Generation Mom

This morning, I woke up in the midst of one of the worst dreams in my recent memory. It is the stuff of my nightmares. Not monsters or ghouls, but scenarios that make my spine tingle and my hair turn grey.

In my dream, my mother was still alive. She was in frail health, as she was just before she passed. She was at a doctor’s appointment. For some reason, I had dropped her off and according to my watch, she was supposed to be in the office seeing the doctor. I was picking up Dad at the place where he regularly volunteers to tend the garden. Somehow, he had broken his wrist and I had to take him to the hospital. Coincidentally, it was the same hospital where my mom’s doctor was located.

While getting Dad in the car, I was on my cell phone trying to get the receptionist for my mom’s doctor to tell me if Mom was still there and to relay a message to her. The receptionist sounded harried and rude. She flatly refused to give me any information. Finally in exasperation, I snapped. I blurted out that it was an emergency, that my father was hurt and I had to take him to the ER, and I was my mom’s ride home.

Fast-forward to the next scene. I had dropped Dad off at the ER, then was racing to get Mom at the doctor’s office. She was walking, albeit very slowly. She was telling me that the doctor said she was doing okay. Suddenly, she started slumping over as she walked. And then collapsed. I carried her in my arms and ran to the ER. I noted that I did not have much trouble carrying her. During her final months, her weight had dropped to about 80 pounds.

The ER was packed with patients waiting to be seen. A doctor came up to us, saw my mom and did a cursory check of her vitals and said, “I’m sorry but your mom has probably 3-5 days to live. You should take her home and try to make her comfortable. There is nothing more we can do.”

My mind was reeling. My dad was hurt and somewhere in the ER. My mom was dying. I had to pick up Lil’ K at school. Everything was happening at once and I was overwhelmed.

Then, I woke up.

My heart was racing and I felt sick to my stomach. The grief is back and I can’t seem to shake it.

Posted in dreams, eldercare | Tagged | 2 Comments

Good point

By the end of the evening, I am mentally and physically spent. When Lil’ K is tired, I am convinced that the first thing to shut off is her listening ears. Tonight, I was getting particularly tired of repeating myself and this was our conversation:

Me: “K, you have to learn how to listen without me having to repeat myself five times.”

K: “At least you don’t have to say it SIX times!”

The girl has an answer for everything. 😉

Posted in 3 years old, baby champuru, QoTD | Tagged | 1 Comment

Don’t tell Pookie

“I love you, K,” I whispered into her little ear and kissed her chubby cheek.

“I love you, mama,” she replied as she snuggled in for her afternoon nap, embracing her teddy bear Pookie which was originally given to me by Hubby when we first started dating 20 years ago. “Do you love Pookie, too?”

“Yes, but I love you more.”

“Don’t tell Pookie that,” she whispered to me, as if sharing a great secret.

“I won’t if you won’t.”

She pulled Pookie away to face her and she said in all seriousness, “Pookie, Mommy said that she loves you but she loves me more.”

So much for secrets!

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BFFs are back in town!

Yay! My BFFs from Washington, Jan and Don, are back in Hawaii!

After picking them up at the airport, our first order of business was FOOD! We visited one of our many favorite places, Goma Tei, for tan tan ramen. Of course, Book Off was also on the agenda and I bought my first 2 Blu-Ray DVDs (Madagascar 2 and Kung Fu Panda). Figures they would be kid’s movies, right? I can’t wait to see the difference in picture quality.

Jan and I resolved to take a photo together for every day that we see each other during their stay, then we’ll make a photo book to commemorate their visit. This is our first one!

More fun days ahead and I am looking forward to introducing them to their first bon dance in a couple of weeks!



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