Is it just me or do toddlers have selective hearing? There are times when I have to repeat myself 3 or 4 times before I get a response from my 2-year-old. Other times, I have to count to 3 before she takes action on a request. Why is it that my requests appear to fall upon deaf ears, but if I whisper the words “ice cream” from across the room, she immediately springs to attention?
I have been trying to teach Lil’ K (29 months) to be a good listener. When she does something that I ask of her, I say, “thank you for listening.” For as much correction as I offer, I try to provide an equal amount of praise or positive reinforcement. Honestly, sometimes that’s hard to do, as I find myself doing a lot of correcting lately. Not to say that there isn’t enough to praise her over, because there absolutely is. But isn’t it human nature to focus on the negative rather than the positive? And, there’s also the feeling that she is only doing what she is supposed to do anyway – so, why praise about that? Well, I’m hoping that positive reinforcement gives her incentive to choose to do the right thing.
I am loathe to discuss my discipline techniques because I have been feeling inadequate and unsure of myself in this area of parenting. (But please don’t tell Lil’ K! Although I’m sure she has already picked up on it.) I recently listened to a podcast from an old Family Life Today broadcast that featured author, Ginger Plowman who gave guidance about disciplining in love and instruction of the Lord. Examples of ineffective discipline techniques she mentioned were time-outs and the “count to 3″ method which I employ quite often. In fact, her book is entitled, Don’t Make Me Count to Three: a Mom’s Look at Heart-Oriented Discipline
I ordered the book and I expect it to be an interesting read. I hope there will be practical advice for training and guiding a child in love. And if I could stop counting to 3 in order to get results, even better.
I also ordered How We Love Our Kids: The Five Love Styles of Parenting
Training a child and guiding her through life is not an easy task. Sometimes I am daunted by the responsibility and gravity of this. Parenting is a skill learned on-the-job and it always keeps me on my toes.
After I read these books, I’ll share my thoughts.
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6 Responses to Selective Hearing and Discipline
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It’s not just the toddler stage. You may be dealing with selective hearing (and their comprehension) for a LONG time. My sister-in-law used to tell her kids something and if she received no reaction she would ask (nicely) if they heard her. They would answer affirmative but then she would ask them to repeat what she had said. Then she would say thank you to them and they should let her know when they had finished whatever she had asked them to do. It got to where my brother would automatically repeat the request to her. And then I started doing it too. She had us all well trained.
@ManekiNekko: I guess we’re all prone to “selective hearing” sometimes. So funny about your story about your sister-in-law’s training even benefitting the adults in the family.
Donna,
First off, let’s remember that the very earliest that discipline is effective–and this is the very earliest–is age 2.5. The reason for this is that kids need to understand cause and effect in order for it to have a chance of working.
Secondly, let’s also remember that discipline isn’t only about correcting negative behavior, it’s also about encouraging positive behavior and having kids make choices and be held accountable for those choices.
That said I have several zillion thoughts on this but probably better done in person than in comments. of course I see you about six times a year or so…
Ryan S. @athletic-diabetic.com´s last [type] ..Sore
@Ryan: Lil’ K will be 2.5 in a couple of weeks. We need to get together SOON so I can pick your brain.
I am just so worried that I am missing vital teaching/training opportunities – or that I will raise a wild child.
My daughter just turned 2 so she has a bit to go before it’s flat out defiance, but I know that she too has selective hearing! I can see it in her eyes as she’s processing what I’m saying and then deciding whether or not she’s going to ignore me!
Can’t wait to hear what you think of the books and techniques!
Like ryan, i have a million thoughts on this subject…but you’re right on point! Being a parent is tough business. it’s a fine balance between being the parent that is equally feared and loved, which despite the harshness of the word “fear” is the perfect combination for a parent.
Praise and positive reinforcement is equally, if not more important that negative reinforcement…that said, praise, praise, praise…it builds good self esteem, confidence, and a good connection between you and baby.
btw, i’ve been out of my usual online loop for some time now and I can’t believe how your baby has grown!