Now that Baby Champuru is over a year old, people are starting to ask when we’ll start on making baby #2.
Of course, not everyone understands what we went through to make baby #1: the years of trying, the subsequent surgeries, dozens upon dozens of injections, IVF treatments, and the countless prayers that were involved in the process. But then again, that’s not the stuff of light chit-chatty conversation.
Recently, I took my parents shopping and we ran into one of Dad’s friends. She cooed and fawned over Baby Champuru, then turned to me and said, “you must start on #2.” I gave her the usual answer of, “I think she’s going to be an only child. I’m getting too old.” But she persisted, “No, you’re not too old. Come on. Look at how cute she is! You MUST make another one. Maybe two? How about twins? Your parents can help you babysit! I’m retired so I can help you, too!” She was relentless almost to the point of making me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to delve into our struggles with infertility and the entire history of Baby Champuru’s conception, and something told me that it wouldn’t matter anyway. She was convinced that Baby Champuru needed siblings and was bent on convincing me right then and there to commit to expanding our brood.
After several minutes of this, I just smiled and nodded politely saying, “okay, we’ll try!” Just to make her happy — and well, quite frankly, to end the conversation. Honestly, I don’t mind people asking me questions and she is a sweet lady but the incessant badgering was a bit much.
It’s not that I don’t want to have another child. In fact, I already miss the baby days now that Baby Champuru has graduated from being an infant to a toddler. Although I suffered from morning sickness for most of my pregnancy, then discovered I had gestational diabetes once the morning sickness subsided — I loved being pregnant. There is no greater miracle than to bear a child. It’s like partnering with God to bring life into the world. Simply amazing.
But, for us, the decision to have another child is not a simple one. It’s not just a matter of stopping birth control pills and tracking ovulation cycles. It requires a huge financial commitment (we’re talking tens of thousands of dollars), dozens of doctors appointments, hormone treatments that require patches, pills and shots on a daily basis, and the emotional rollercoaster that invariably comes with fertility treatments. Of course, there’s also the issue of age. The older you are, the smaller your chances are of a successful conception. And, if you fail to conceive, there is no money back guarantee. You can say adieu to those tens of thousands of dollars you invested in the procedure.
So, the honest answer to the question “when will we start on #2?” is that we probably won’t. Baby Champuru is not just our #1, but our one and only. She is our beautiful, precious blessing and she is more than enough. I am more than content to be the mother of one and thankful that the Lord entrusted us with this awesome privilege and responsibility.
Don’t worry, Baby Champuru, your mommy is an only child and look how she turned out! Um, okay, maybe that was a bad example.
I know exactly how you feel. Except people want to know when we’re trying for a boy. I have two beautiful girls – and that’s it. I am AMA too – advanced maternal age. It took me 7 years to get pregnant with my first daughter, and like 2 minutes for my second (OK, 4 months). We’re very happy with our beauties and when people ask about more, or why don’t I want a boy, I simply say we’re not able to. It usually ends the conversation (albeit somewhat uncomfortably) but most don’t ask why not. Good luck!
So sorry, Donna, people ( even family members) can be so unthinkably cruel sometimes. Or tactless. Maybe tactless is a better word. My heart goes out to you. It is so good to feel blessed and happy with the gifts that God gives us without needing something else.
[...] Originally posted here: Keep your business out of my uterus « champuru.net [...]
Hi Donna, I’ve been following your blog since last year….a couple of months before Baby Champuru was born and I was pregnant for the first time. I happened upon one of your ultrasound pictures of 16 weeks. (Turns out we had the same doctor, although I got pregnant on my own). Anyway, I digress. I know how you feel and this past holiday season my husband and I were bombarded with, “When is the second one coming?” or “Try for one more.” That’s when I don’t mind telling them that we are too old. Our beautiful daughter was born in March 2009 when I was 40 and hubby was 48. I like my husband’s response, “We have one and we’re done.” For me, I feel a second one will not get my full attention even though I too quit my secure, decent-paying job on February 27th so I could be a SAHM. I too truly treasure my time with my daughter. She is truly a blessing and cherish every second spent with her.
Ahhh, the “when’s baby #2 coming?” question – I can relate! I’m sorry you went through such an uncomfortable experience. I probably would have done the exact same thing as you.
My daughter was born in March 2009 and I started getting that question a few months after she was born! Some of them don’t know we experienced a pregnancy loss before she was born, so I’m particularly sensitive to those sorts of probing questions. The business of getting nosy about peoples’ reproductive plans is so frustrating to me.
We very well may be a “one and done” family too. The other thing I’ve noticed is a lot of people (who haven’t had kids recently) have NO IDEA how incredibly expensive childcare is. We can’t afford to have one of us be a stay-at-home parent so sadly the $$ do have an impact on our decision.
Don’t even trip. First it was, “So when are you getting engaged?” Then, “So when are you getting married?” Then, “So when are you having a baby?” Then, “So when are you having #2?” And now, “So when are you going to have your girl?” To that question I tell people, if you can guarantee me a girl, I’ll do it. If not, go buy me one, and give her to me. The blank looks I get after that response are priceless and stops them in their tracks. I love my two boys. Who said I need a girl?
That’s also one of my pet peeves. That’s pretty much why I don’t really ask that with other couples cause I’m not sure what things they went through to have their child(ren).
Baby Champuru has everything she needs: wonderful, loving parents.