No one likes a crying baby. To some, it’s like taking fingernails to a chalkboard. The wailing of an infant is acceptable to most, but people start to look askance at the histrionics of a toddler.
At home, Baby Champuru is a delightful baby who enjoys figuring things out, making us laugh, dancing, talking, and playing. Lovable to the nth degree! However, in the presence of friends and family members that she is not acquainted with, she will turn on the water works and display her discomfort in decibels, making her downright unpleasant. I feel for her because I know it’s stranger anxiety — but I also feel sorry for loved ones on the receiving end of her theatrics. It’s a little awkward when a well-meaning friend reaches out her arms for a hug and is greeted with a hysterical “no-no-no-no-nooooo!” with big, huge tears streaming down baby’s cheeks.
Recently, we met some friends for lunch and they brought their 10-month old granddaughter with them. Their granddaughter seemed unaffected by all of the new faces and the unfamiliar environment, but Baby Champuru was struck with terror from the instant she arrived. Granted, she didn’t cry the entire time, but enough to render it an unsuccessful playdate.
It’s times like this when I really begin to think that I’m a crummy mom. All of the “what-if’s” flood my mind: what if I had taken her out more, what if I had her participate in more playdates, what if I had done a better job of socializing her — would she be more comfortable with people if I had done those things? Or is it just her nature? According to our pediatrician, there really isn’t anything that can be done to overcome stranger anxiety, it’s just something that she has to outgrow.
This episode was a wake-up call of sorts. Again, it reminded me that as a mom, I am largely responsible for the shaping of this little human being entrusted to us for a season. She will go on to make her own decisions and nature determines much of her personality, but the experiences that I expose her to and the lessons I teach her along the way will also play a vital role in defining the person she is to become in the future. It made me feel like I should be doing more: taking her out more, exposing her to more people, and helping her along the path to becoming a friendly, sociable little girl.
As always, I welcome suggestions from my readers! :)
I wouldn’t worry about it so much right now, and in fact, it might not be such a bad thing. Chris is Mr. Personality and went through phases where he would be scared of strangers and not scared. For the most part, he is cautious in nature even though he is very talkative. He will hide or stay close to me if he is wary of someone. How he reacts to strangers also depends upon his mood. When he is tired or in a situation where he is surprised by people he doesn’t know, he will become upset. Recently friends were visiting from out of town for a few hours and came while he was napping on the sofa. He sleeps hard so he didn’t hear them come into the house or get up when we were having a conversation mere feet from him. When he awoke, he saw my friend’s husband, took about 5 seconds to realize he didn’t know this person and ran to me crying. But after he woke up fully, he gathered they were friends and started talking. As far as being out and about, I stress to him to stay close to me and be careful. Sometimes it is hard when he wants to go off by himself. I’m sure Baby Champuru will figure things out on her own. Are there any types of places you can take her to expose her to other toddlers on a regular basis? I took Chris to Gymboree (play gym for children) once a week and then enrolled him in a Mommy Morning Out program later when he was older. Great to give me a break with the Mommy Morning Out program plus he got to learn some socialization skills.
Being around little ones at church might help…
I don’t know what’s funnier, Baby C’s expression in the photo or that reindeer who’s standing next to her. What is that? A giant doll or some child in a costume?
Donna, I wouldn’t worry about it. All kids go through separation/stranger anxiety and they outgrow it. Just don’t push Baby C to be something she’s not. If she’s not naturally outgoing, don’t expect her to be “on” the moment you’re in a new situation. Let her get used to the environment and she’ll feel comfortable and be the girl you know at home.
You gotta see it from her point of view. Sit on the ground and look up and see and hear the chaos. Kids are amazing that they can even handle any of that!
Hugs to the sweetie!
I totally know how you feel, Donna! The Little Empress can be the same way with strangers. Waterworks and decibels galore! I also used to wonder “what if” about being more social. I tend to think that it may be just in their nature. Some people are just naturally gregarious and others aren’t. Nothing wrong with it
Taking her out to playdates may help (they certainly can’t hurt!) but don’t worry. Every little one develops at their own pace.
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we are going through the same thing with jolie… hugh couldn’t care less, but jolie screams. my pedi said that it peaks around 18 months, which i’m dreading because it is bad enough now. good luck, it will get better!
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