Photo by Lisa Hoang of Windwardskies Photography
Hubby and I created a command post that details everything for the preparation and arrival of Baby Champuru. The focal point is a calendar with all of our appointments annotated neatly and September 24, 2008 (my due date) highlighted in yellow and embellished with stickers. Next to that is a whiteboard with a detailed To-Do List, color-coded to indicate which tasks belong to me and which are for Hubby. Adhered to the white board is a typewritten packing list for the contents of my hospital bag, which is at the top of my priority list. (Thanks, Steph, for your suggestions!!)
Although having an at-a-glance visual of everything that needs to be done before Baby Champuru arrives is helpful, it’s also a little overwhelming at times. As my last day of work before six months of unpaid maternity leave looms on the horizon, apprehension about finances also begin to gnaw at me. It doesn’t help that both Hubby and I both had major car repairs this month, totaling over $2000. Often, it seems that the best laid plans make great monkey wrench magnets.
All of these things in addition to the million and one uncertainties of facing our role as new parents has caused me to feel overwhelmed. This gives way to an urgent need to accomplish everything immediately. I feel like if I don’t do something right this instant, that the backlog will only get worse. This causes me to go into a frenzy of purging, cleaning, and nesting — but, it also gives way to a melancholy disposition. I suspect that it’s exhaustion, coupled with pregnancy hormones that cause this crash every now and then. It seems that after the frenetic activity is over and every ounce of energy has been spent, I can’t help but to walk around with droopy shoulders and my chin dragging on the floor. Honestly, I can’t stand that feeling — and I know it concerns Hubby to see me like that.
When I put things in perspective, I understand the root cause. It’s me, trying to do everything in my own power: organize, prepare, work hard, and control everything. Really, it’s not that those things are bad in themselves, but when I make the mistake of cutting God out of the equation, that’s when things start to go south. Like my mood.
It’s almost as though God is reminding me that I shouldn’t lean on our own understanding — or even our own resources. I’m taking this as a call to come back to seek Him. After all, He brought us this far and worked miracles beyond imagination, He can help us get through this phase in our lives, too.
