Photo by Lisa Hoang, Windwardskies Photography
Another sneak peek from our photo shoot
This November will mark our 15th anniversary. The new addition to our little family makes me ponder how it will affect our relationship. I would hope that this shared experience would make us stronger and closer, but I know that the opposite could also be true. I have seen how children innately know how to manipulate and divide parents from a very young age, and if we’re not careful, this could easily create a chasm between us. (I’m not saying that children are little devils, but we all know that kids are smart and know how to get their way.)
Hubby and I have been through so much together, especially in recent years. From his one-year deployment to Iraq, to our homebuying experience, the infertility/in vitro fertilization ordeal, and now pregnancy and parenthood. Each of these experiences helped to strengthen our relationship, proving once again that if we stand together, hand-in-hand, we can face life’s difficulties. We make a great team, Hubby and I. We have certainly grown a great deal since we first met in 1991.
Through it all, Hubby has been my constant source of love, support, and comfort. Even as I was going through surgeries, treatments, daily injections, and the emotional rollercoaster of in virto, I was always comforted to know that Hubby loved me with an unconditional love. One of the toughest things to deal with in terms of infertility is the thought of being a failure. After all, one of the most natural and anticipated events of marriage is starting a family. When that doesn’t happen, it’s easy to start blaming yourself. For me, dealing with Father’s Day year after year was much harder than facing Mother’s Day. I just felt awful knowing that Hubby would make such an awesome father — and I couldn’t provide him that opportunity. Hubby was always quick to assure me that even if we never have children, that he would love me the same and that he was just grateful to be able to spend his life with me — with or without children.
When the Lord blessed us with this successful in vitro attempt, we couldn’t have been happier. It is the beginning of another chapter in our lives.
Despite the challenges and the waiting, I am glad that Hubby and I were able to enjoy our time as a couple for so long before having our baby. I believe God’s timing is perfect, and that 14 years was just the right amount of time we needed to prepare us to receive this blessing. When we got married, I was only 20. We had said that we wanted to take our time before starting a family so that we could adjust to married life before having to adjust to parenthood — we just didn’t realize it would be so long. But, looking back, I don’t regret a single moment of our time together as a couple.
Every time I visit my site, I gaze at the baby countdown widget in the sidebar. Today shows 55 days to go, which doesn’t seem like much time at all. As the reality of impending parenthood descends upon me, it fill me with wonder and apprehension all at the same time. This baby is the result of countless prayers, evidence that miracles do happen. I also wonder if I am worthy of such a blessing and the responsibility that goes along with it. If you really stop to think about it, parenthood entails the care and shaping of a person. What I do (or don’t do) directly affects this baby for better or worse. It is mind-boggling.
I know that having a baby changes everything. I am confident that this, too, will change us into better people.
