It feels strange, lying here in bed for days, only getting up to use the restroom. In fact, I can’t even shower yet according to doctor’s orders. Normally when one is confined to bed, it is due to some illness or injury. I have neither. Just four fragile embryos who shouldn’t suffer too much jostling, lest they decide to evacuate their uncomfortable quarters.

And that’s what kills me. How much can I move without disturbing the process? The nurse said I could lie on my side, back, and stomach. Propping up my head and/or feet are okay, too. I can sit up to eat, but I get paranoid about sitting up too straight or too long, but do you realize how hard it is to eat at a 45-degree angle?

It’s the OC in me, wanting to do everything just right and not do anything to mess up the process.

In my more lucid moments I realize that I am totally out of control of this process. And even if I did do everything just right, it doesn’t guarantee me a pregnancy. If nothing else, this whole situation is teaching me to let go and let God. If He blesses us with child(ren), I am sure there will be many more lessons about faith and trust in the days ahead.

[tags]in vitro fertilization, IVF, frozen embryo transfer, FET, infertility, fertility, progesterone, estrogen, climara patches, hormones, conception, bed rest[/tags]

I’ve been eating a lot for someone on bed rest. Considering that my activity level has dropped to 10%, you’d think that calorie intake should be commensurate. But no. At least I’m trying to eat semi-healthy, snacking on carrots and pita chips with hummus and pomegranate Jamba Juice. And I’ve been subsisting on miso soup and white rice with wakame furikake. It’ll be chicken soup for dinner.

It’s been only 22 hours since I’ve been on bed rest and already my back is aching. Elevating my legs helps somewhat, but I can’t shake the desire to go outside and take a nice, long walk around the wooded neighborhood. At least I can see the trees through my window as I’m lying down, contemplating life and the possibilities of motherhood.

Sometimes I talk to the snowflakes. I believe they need love and encouragement, too, while they’re trying to stick and grow. Stick and grow, my little snowflakes! You can do it!

I love being able to lie here with no concerns except to rest and relax. Reading for leisure is a rare luxury which I am enjoying immensely. I suppose I should cherish this time because it will be over soon enough.

[tags]in vitro fertilization, IVF, frozen embryo transfer, FET, infertility, fertility, progesterone, estrogen, climara patches, hormones, conception, bed rest[/tags]