Mar 25 2007
Hotline
As the appointed date draws closer, I am experiencing some indecision and uncertainty. My thoughts are a tangled mess. I can’t understand why something so seemingly natural should be so hard to accomplish and require so much outside intervention.
I’m talking about getting pregnant.
As Joyce and I mused about life on the drive to Ala Moana yesterday, we both remarked about the “injustice” of it all. People who don’t want kids get pregnant by accident. People who have too many kids have more. People who really want kids, can’t. I know I’m not supposed to understand everything on this side of heaven, but sometimes I wish I could hear God’s audible voice relating His perfect will for my life. But, I guess that’s where faith comes in.
To be honest, I have complete peace about undergoing the surgery and IVF procedure. I feel that if I don’t at least try, I will have regrets in the future. On the flip side, I wonder if IVF would be akin for forcing our own will/wants over God’s? Am I doing it for the right reasons? Again, it goes back to the same issue: if I knew what God’s will was, I wouldn’t be writing this entry.
Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have a hotline to God right now.
Ultimately, I know that if it’s not God’s will for us to have children, we won’t. That’s something no amount of medical intervention can force. Hubby and I are praying about it, really seeking an answer before April. In the meantime, I will continue doing research and waiting on the Lord.
Through it all, I know there are lessons to be learned. As I have done so many times in the past, on the other side of this trial, I know I will look back and marvel at what God has done in my life.
A 30-something Christian girl, blissfully wedded to her perfect match (the yang to her yin) of 14 years. A new mom to her miracle baby, born on October 4, 2008. Living life in Hawaii, less than 5 miles from her hometown, a slave to her mortgage payment, but seeking balance in her pursuit of family, faith, recreation, and rest.
I am, perhaps, the last person who should make a comment like this, but… I don’t think turning to medicine or science is neccessarily contravening the will of God. If one believes the universe is all according to God’s plan, so is the help of your doctor — or of anyone standing with you or praying for you along the way.
(I need to come up with a different name for this place, since Ryan is already taken–and for all I know, ‘Ryan’ is also a ‘Ryan S.’)
From the standpoint of someone who has worked with many, many couples who have tried IVF–most very successfully, some unsuccessfully, and a few with tragic outcomes–I have to say that it has helped some people who wouldn’t have otherwise been able to conceive do just that. So best of luck to you with that decision; it’s been wonderful for many, but not so wonderful for others.
I’d also like to say that there are parallel (but different) roads to parenthood as well: adoption and foster parenting are other ways that are not the same as having a biological child, but they have their own rewards as well.
From the standpoint of a Buddhist (one who is pretty secular, although in my experience most Buddhists are pretty secular), these are indeed the times that test your faith, but that said… it’s “easy” (well, not easy, but easier) to have faith when things are going well. It’s not as easy when things aren’t going that well, which is ironic, because those are exactly the times when faith is most needed.
I believe your faith will be your strength through this journey.
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Ryan S.
I will keep praying as for you Sis…whatever your decision is I’m here for you…mean time all I can do is pray for you, and hope for the best…Love Ya!
Donna, you have a strong faith in God and I know that will help you & hubby in the months to come. I wish you all the luck with your future decisions and your journey…I hope things work out for the best.
ps…i wish i had a hotline to God too. =)
keep up your faith donna and it’s in these moments that God really tests us thru all the adversities. and i know you’ve been thru your share. i know you and Hubby will pull this irregardless of the outcome. but you will always be in my thoughts + prayers. *hugs*