Sep 15 2005
A Matter of Trust
I’ve been pondering aging quite a bit lately.
Mom has been tolerating her chemotherapy well. Thus far, she has not suffered any chemo-induced nausea; although it has been noted that her blood count was low on a few visits which prevented her from receiving the treatment. Normally, they will postpone her IV another week so that her blood count can return to a more desirable level before administering another treatment. Also, her feet and ankles have been swollen. She will be going for an ultrasound next week to ensure that it is not caused by blood clots.
Although Mom looks great and I can barely believe that she’s undergoing cancer treatment, these two developments do concern me. After all, Mom will be 74 next month and I can only imagine the havoc that cancer and chemotherapy can wreak upon the body.
Being the only child, it’s extremely difficult for me to come to grips with the fact that my parents are aging.
Last night in the moments before sleep took me, I stared into the darkness and wondered whether Hubby and I would ever have children. What a blessing it would be for my parents to become grandparents. Although they’re not very pushy about it, I know it’s something they desire.
I never really knew my grandparents. They all passed away either before I was born or while I was yet too young to know them. The only memory I have is of my paternal grandmother, lying in a dark room in my aunt’s house. She was ill and near death. Her voice was weak and she spoke softly in Japanese, handing my mother a plain white envelope. Mom turned to me and translated that Grandma was giving me money for a kimono so that I could take Okinawan dance lessons. I was 4 at the time.
I want my children to really know their grandparents. I want them to have many happy memories of them. This means we should try to start our family sooner rather than later, God willing. After all, Hubby and I will be celebrating our 12th year of marriage in November.
Yet, I have mixed feelings about having children. Unlike other women, I do not have a strong desire to be a mother. I have never been the maternal type and am not particularly good (or even comfortable) with children. I feel completely fulfilled in our marriage relationship and don’t feel that there’s anything missing because we don’t have children. On the other hand, there have been moments when my heart swelled when I observed the joy that children bring, the potential that they hold, and the love that they give. I also wonder about the future, when I am the one who is aging. Without children, who will be there to take me to Vegas, pick up my prescriptions from Long’s, drive me to the doctor?
As with all things, I leave these concerns in the capable hands of my Lord and wait upon his timing. He knows what’s best and I have his flawless track record to back up this belief. He’s brought us through so much in the past several years that I know the best thing I can do is to simply trust. Trust him with my Mom’s health and healing, trust him with the issue of children, trust him with my life.
A 30-something Christian girl, blissfully wedded to her perfect match (the yang to her yin) of 14 years. A new mom to her miracle baby, born on October 4, 2008. Living life in Hawaii, less than 5 miles from her hometown, a slave to her mortgage payment, but seeking balance in her pursuit of family, faith, recreation, and rest.
I’ll make to keep on praying for Mom…From the last time I seen her she was looking really good…It’s always seeing Mom smile…
Well you hang in there with everything as well Sis…when it’s time God will bless you with kids…your time will come…HUGS
Oops bad speach there…LOL…Well like I said I’ll keep on praying for Mom…it’s always nice seeing her smile…I know she’s a strong woman, and she’s all in God’s hands…It’s sad to see parents getting old, esp your own…I do fear about my parents as well, and hope my Mom will live a long and healty life…she deserves it…so does my mommy number 2…hehe…Give her a hug for me, and tell her ill be thinking of her…HUGS….LOve ya sis!!!
I absolutely know how you feel. My mom is 76 and my dad passed away a few years ago, and I didn’t really know my grandparents either because they had passed before I was born or they were very old when I was young. The only grandparent I knew was my materal grandmother who lived with us until she passed away when I was 10 years old. I know my parents have always wanted to be grandparents but I didn’t get married until recently and my older brother is not married. My husband and I want to have children, and have discussed waiting because we just got married. But we are both in our mid-30s and decided not to because of various reasons. While we aren’t trying in earnest, we are just leaving it up to whatever may happen at least in this first year of marriage. Unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage about a month ago and though it was hard on us emotionally, we know that it wasn’t time. At least it wasn’t due to anything in particular and our doctor says we should be fine the next time. I don’t mean to make this sound like this is about me but I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel about your parents and all. Take care!
Boy can I relate to this entry! I’ve given so much thought, myself, to the rapid speed that life seems to be moving and forcing my parents into an age that was once reserved for my now long gone grandparents.
My dad is facing surgery today for unspoken things (I think he feels that it’s easier for us to not know what is happening)…this is his third surgery in six months. And then last night they tell me that a “lump” was discovered. Here we go. I know that you know the fear.
Thanks for this post, Donna. I had written a similar one but never posted it on my site because it was so sad. Perhaps I should so that I too can contribute to the comfort of our generation!
Blessings to you all, as always.
Sitting in the same boat here…Early 30’s, married 2 years, parents in their 60’s (w/ a sick father). I am so not the motherly type and the thought of me with a baby is bizarre. But I do want my kids to know their grandparents before it’s too late. And perhaps once it all starts happening, I won’t think about how much of a change it all is, but just go along for the ride. Glad i’m not the only one out there who feels this way. gambatte.
=t